Counselling- most people have heard of it and a lot of people have different ideas about it. But what is it? Counselling in a nutshell is a talking therapy, but it can be so much more than that! Or so much less! Without going into the history of how counselling evolved, I'll just mention that the person I consider to be the most relevant to talking therapy is Carl Rogers, who theroised that given the 3 Core Conditions of Empathy, Congruence and Unconditional Positive Regard, a client will feel safe enough to explore their issues and life experiences and achieve personal growth or development. Sounds easy right? Maybe..... let's look at the core conditions:

Empathy - This is different to sympathy. To feel that someone is empathising with you, you will feel that they 'get you' that they know how you are feeling, they 'feel your pain' whereas a sympathy is more about feeling sorry for the person that you may feel is less fortunate then yourself.

Congruence - being authentic with another person, a client feels that the person who is in front of them is genuine, that they're not pretending to be something they are not. If the counsellor is congruent with the client, it can help the client to feel they are more able to 'be themselves' be authentic. This encourages openness and helps build the therapeutic relationship. For instance a counsellor should not try to sound more academic, thinking they will impress the client, if a client uses a word that the counsellor doesn't understand, I would expect them to explain it. When a good therapeutic relationship is built, both counsellor and client are able to ask "what does that mean", or "I don't understand", without feeling belittled.

Unconditional Positive Regard - This is the therapists acceptance of the client, without judgement or criticism. This is so important in creating a safe environment to explore the reasons why a person has come to counselling. Along with confidentiality of course, although that has it's limits (for safety).

Ok, so with the core conditions in place, what happens- well, according to Carl Rogers, the client will feel comfortable enough to work with the counsellor on the issue/s that brought them to counselling. They will feel safe and supported and this encourages them to open up and explore what's going on for them. That's the basis of talking therapy, but of course it's not always that simple. Which is why other approaches can help and possibly be incorporated into the sessions. Sometimes a person will not talk, and sitting with the silence can help, sometimes being creative can help- writing, drawing, role-playing, there are lots of styles that can be incorporates, it's all about exploring what works best for the client, and Empathy will help identify  this, a counsellor will pick up if a client doesn't feel comfortable with a certain approach and may decide to shelve it for that session.

But all of this does not exactly explain what counselling is, does it? Imagine, a comfortable space, usually a room with a sofa or armchair, which I would consider an essential ingredient to start with. I like to offer my clients a small glass of water (it's there, whether they want it or not - part of my preparation for the session), tissues on a side table. So now you may have a picture of the comfortable environment. Then it's where the work begins: What brought you here, how does that make you feel, what have you tried and so on..... a counsellor may make suggestions but is not there to advise you, but rather to guide you to find your own answers. After all, you know yourself better than anyone else. There is Solution Focussed Brief Therapy which aims to be one or two sessions, but generally counselling takes longer and each session is built upon and reviewed at intervals to look back at progress and where to go next. Some people might have 6 sessions some 20 or more. In private practice there is no limit, providing the counselling is helping. Counselling that is provided by an agency, generally has a limited number of sessions, as they are often free of charge and  agencies have limited funding. A good way to get free counselling is via your GP or local MIND or other organisations. Many organsiations make the use of student counsellors on placement, so are able to offer counselling from a 'volunteer', but the student should have a supervisor and the service they offer should be acceptable. Lots of employers provide EAP (Employee Assistance Programmes) which is designed to help employees going through a hard time, where counselling and other resources may help. These days (post Covid) it's not unusual for counsellors to offer online sessions. This helps counsellors reach a much wider audience and offers more flexibility, although some people still prefer in person sessions. I offer both and don't have a preference as I've seen the benefits of both, I would say whatever works for both counsellor and clients is fine.

Sometimes I offer clients 'homework' (eek- what to call it? ) which of course is up to the individual if they carry it out in-between sessions. Like any change, it takes time and hard work, so the practice in-between sessions can be helpful, but life has an awful habit of keeping us all busy!

So, that's my take on counselling and I hope it's given you an idea of what to expect: a warm welcome with a comfy chair 🙂