We all, at some point in our lives, have had someone in our life who is not good for us. Whether that is a partner, a friend or a family member, having a toxic relationship with them is draining. You may love them, or care for them, but they're not good for you. Think about it: that 'good friend' who always said something that led you to feel less than them in some way- less educated, less attractive, whatever it was, yet she seemed like a good friend. Or a partner with whom you argue to such an extent that you think it's all over, only to realise that they see it as "just an arguement". Or a friend that insists that you go out drinking when you'd rather not, so you compromise and go for 'just one' and end up staying out most of the night and getting inebriated, then regretting it the next day. Now I realise these kind of things can happen in healthy relationships, but when it's the main thing that happens in any relationship, or anything that leaves you feeling worthless, drained, trapped, dependant, doing things you would rather not with them, but just can't seem to help it, is not good for you. You might find your self constantly second guessing yourself, or ruminating or driving your friends crazy by constantly talking about the issues with a certain person, this is not healthy for you. You may find yourself longing for change, listening to the promises of change and feel as though you are hanging onto the relationship by your fingernails, and this is not just a 'rough patch' but a way of being, this is not good for you. You may feel that you behave differently around this person, in a negative way, perhaps trying to live up to what you think they want you to be like, but at the same time, turning into a person that you don't like or recognise.

It's important to understand the difference between a toxic relationship and an abusive relationship. An abusive relationship is toxic but a toxic relationship may not always be viewed as abusive. There may be co-dependency, there may be friendship struggles for 'best friend' status, there may be a toxic workplace environment, where you have to put up with people you wouldn't dream of even speaking to outsider of work. These people can make you feel bad, such your energy away from you, and leave you feeling exhausted.

Recognising the negative effect a person or environment is having on you, is the first step in dealing with the issue. If you generally feel 'down' after spending time with someone, ask yourself why, what is it about them that leaves you feeling that way? Once you can recognise the source of the toxicity, you can do something about it, hopefully. Toxic workplaces can be difficult to navigate, jobs are not always easy to change, and after all, you need a reference from your employer, and probably need a regular income. I remember the feeling of elation handing in my notice and walking away from a job that sucked the life out of me. On my last day, I felt free, I skipped along the street, away from there, and never looked back.

Recognising that a person will only change if they want to (you cannot make them change), can be a gauge on whether it is time to leave the situation. Perhaps spend less time with them, to give yourself some breathing space and 'find yourself' again. If you feel better about yourself, you are less likely to put up with negative, hurtful people or situations. It can help to plan how to deal with it rather than be reactive, be measured in your responses, to save getting sucked into their game. Assert you boundaries, you are worth it! Be your own best friend and prioritise yourself- you are worth it!